When no one is watching
by Butterflywing
Summary: What do the Warriors cats do when the author is on coffee break? Find out!
1. Into the wild

When no one is watching

(What do the warriors cats do when no one is watching? Now is YOUR chance to find out! Takes place half way through into the wild because... Um... I feel like it!)

"Firepaw," Graypaw, Firepaw's best friend, leapt into the apprentice's den, landing on top of the orange cat.

"Graypaw," Firepaw hissed. "You know you're supposed to be out hunting now!"

"Yes," said Graypaw, "But the author went on a coffee break! We can do whatever we want!"

"Hooray," Firepaw cried. "I've been meaning to go sell ThunderClan's secrets to ShadowClan for a while so that it's so much meaner when I expose Tigerclaw's treachery in book four! Want to come with?"

"No thanks," Said Graystripe. "You know that one RiverClan cat, Silverstream? I was planning on making fun of her for a while."

"You do know that you end up having kits with her in book three, right?" Asked Firepaw."

"Darn," said Graypaw. "I've been after Sandpaw for a while..." Just then Dustpaw walked in.

"What are you guys doing," he hissed, "You know-"

"The author's on coffee break," Said Graypaw lazily.

"Whatever, you stupid furball," Said Dustpaw.

"Can you believe this guy," Graypaw asked Firepaw, "Can't think of anything original to say, even when the author's not watching!"

Slowly, news that the author was on coffee break spread through ThunderClan camp. Bluestar heard and started having her breakdown several books early. Tigerclaw heard and started doing musical farts (Which is not easy when you're a cat, and don't have any arms). Sandpaw and Ravenpaw heard and headed off into the forest to do things-you-should-be-glad-you-don't-know-about.

Then all the clan cats went to fourtrees to have a the-author-is-on-a-coffee-break party. It was loud and boisterous and lasted the entire eighteen minutes it took the author to finish her coffee break.

Hope you like my one-shot stupid fanfic! If enough people like it I might make more for the rest of the books!


	2. Fire and ice

When no one's watching; fire and ice

(People seemed to enjoy the last story I wrote, so here's another one! Also, this is how you spell hilarious.)

Fireheart looked up at the sun and sighed. He was supposed to go rescue Windclan today; that was what he and Graystripe were doing now, but he really didn't feel like it. If only the author would go on another coffee break! There seemed to be a shortage of coffee breaks in English homes lately, because the author hadn't been on a coffee break since he was an apprentice.

Fireheart looked up at the clouds. The ever-present face of the author looked back down at him. Suddenly the face disappeared, and Fireheart heard the sound of a coffee maker-thingy!

"Sweet bite of mouse in leaf-bare," he cried, nearly startling Graystripe out of his skin, "The author's gone on a coffee break, time to party!"

"hoo-ray," cried a random cat behind them, dancing the can-can. All the ThunderClan cats (even the kits!) came out of camp and together they hurried towards fourtrees, ready for another party.

'This one will be even better than the last one,' thought Fireheart excitedly, 'I heard Tallstar ordered away for a stereo system!'

The ThunderClan cats down the slope to fourtrees, to find…

"They're not here!" cried Ravenpaw, who had come back from Barley's farm, because everyone likes a party.

"Oh!" said Spottedleaf and Lionheart, who had come back from the dead, because everyone likes a party.

Just then all the other cats from all the other clans Jumped out of the trees where they had been hiding, right onto the startled ThunderClan cats.

"Help," Cried Darkstripe, "its raining cats and cats!"

"Let's get this party started!" said a Windclan elder, who turned on the stereo system and started shaking her but.

"Woo woo!" cried Tigerclaw, Starting his musical arm farts again.

"Come on, Tigerclaw!" Silverstream cried, "We were all having fun!"

"Silverstream," Graystripe called, who somewhere between books one and two had developed a major crush on her. "You've come back to me!" He ran over to her and started licking.

"Get off!" Silverstream cried, who still did not like Graystripe. "I haven't died yet, you know!"

"Oh, right," said Graystripe, "sorry."

The rest of the party was fun. They danced and tried to do Karaoke, but they didn't have thumbs, so they couldn't hold the microphone. Finally, the author finished her coffee break, and the cats had to return to their regularly scheduled programs.

(Just so everyone knows, I've been writing one or two chapters a day in my various stories, but we just got a big homework project at school and might not be able to write that fast anymore!)


	3. Chapter 3

When no one's watching; forest of secrets

(Sequel to the sequel to When no ones watching)

"You don't need to go out hunting again tonight," Tigerclaw growled as Fireheart approached. "Bluestar has chosen you and Graystripe to go to the gathering."

Fireheart's ears twitched with excitement. It was an honor to accompany the Clan leader to the gathering, where all four clans met in peace at the full moon.

"You had better eat now," Added the dark coated deputy, "we leave at moonrise." He began to stalk across the clearing toward the Highrock, where Bluestar, the clan leader, had her den; then paused and swiveled his massive head to look back at Fireheart. "Just make sure you remember which Clan you belong to at the gathering." He hissed.

Fireheart felt his fur bristle as anger flared inside him. "What makes you say that?" he demanded boldly. "Do you think I would be disloyal to my own Clan?"

"Heck yeah!" cried Tigerclaw. "Do you think I wasn't watching when the author went on coffee break, time before last? You went and sold our secret to Shadowclan!" then he pouted, "And cats say I'M disloyal!"

"You are!" cried Graystripe, coming up behind Tigerclaw at that moment. "In case you hadn't noticed, we're not allowed to say anything like this when the author is watching!"

"So it's a good thing she's not!" said Tigerclaw. Fireheart looked up at the sky. It was true!

"Yeah!" cried all the pieces of fresh-kill in the fresh-kill pile.

"Fireheart? Did that pile of fresh kill just say something?" Graystripe mewed.

"I think so!" replied Fireheart. They approached the pile slowly, circling it as they would an enemy. Tigerclaw even stopped making farts with his arms ("Oh!" said all the kits, which had been watching and giggling.)

Suddenly the fresh-kill pile EX-PLO-DED! "Run for the hills!" cried Mousefur.

"There are no hills!" shouted Willowpelt.

"Then run towards whatever geographical feature takes you fancy!" cried Bluestar. They ran away from the now-non-existent-pile-of-fresh-kill and the random talking elephants that had been hiding inside of it, and who were now following the cats to whatever geographical feature took their fancy.

Speckletail stopped and turned around. "WHERE DID THOSE RANDOM ELEPHANTS COME FROM!" she screamed. The random elephants stopped and shuffled their feet guiltily.

"Uh, sorry," said one, and they vanished.

Then the ThunderClan cats all went to fourtrees and had another party and listened to Tallstar's stereo system, and ate the chips provided by Nightstar, until the author came back.


	4. Chapter 4

When no one is watching: rising storm

(Thanks to Icefoot for the idea for this one)

Fireheart ran behind the rest of his clan, fleeing from the fire that was slowly but surely destroying their home. Suddenly a cry came up from the front line of cats. Cloudpaw, Fireheart's apprentice and his sister's son, hollered,

"The author's on a coffee break! Let's have a party!"

"Are you CRAZY!" hollered Mousefur, "In case you hadn't noticed, we're fleeing from a FIRE!"

"Oh, right," said Cloudpaw, his ears drooping. Suddenly a cry came up,

"Patchpelt and Halftail are missing!" It was Smallear

Goldenflower cried, "Bramblekit is missing too!"

"And Yellowfang!" said Cinderpelt, her voice shaking.

"Oh no," breathed Fireheart. "They must have realized the author was on coffee break and stayed to have a party!"

"Won't be much fun without Tigerclaw's arm farts," Muttered Cloudpaw.

Fireheart hurried back through the burning forest. When he got to camp, he saw Bramblekit hanging from a branch, but no sign of the elders or medicine cat. Fireheart grabbed the kit, but knew he didn't have time to go back for the others. (He knew they were in there, he could hear the sounds of a party going on.) He ran back to the others.

Eventually they crossed the river and came to the RiverClan camp. The party had been temporarily moved to the Riverclan camp. So the ThunderClan cats happily feasted on chips and soda and stuff while their home burned to the ground behind them.

The next morning, RiverClan pushed ThunderClan back to their own territory, because they were running out of soda. They stumbled back into camp (Because they felt like stumbling) and found the charred remains of Tallstar's stereo system. How it got into ThunderClan they didn't know.

"Tallstar will be angry," commented Mousefur dryly.

"Wouldn't you be!" cried Cloudpaw, sinking to his knees and crying. "That stereo system was top of the line! Cost Tallstar 30 mice and a squirrel!"

"He paid 30 mice and a squirrel?" cried Fireheart, distracted, "That's amazing!" Just then he noticed the bodies surrounding the stereo system. Yellowfang, Patchpelt, and Halftail were still wearing sombreros and holding maracas in their non-opposable-thumbs, as though they had still been partying when they died. But wait! Yellowfang was still alive! "Fireheart," she croaked, "I've always meant to tell you this, but I never had the courage until now," she paused, then said, "The way you do the polka- it stinks." And then she died.


	5. Chapter 5

When no one's watching; a dangerous path

(I would just like to take this opportunity to do two things;

Thank epobbp for asking to quote me, you can

Sharply reprimand konciawa for stealing (Yes I said stealing because they didn't ask), my idea, and

Apologize that it took so long to write, I've had a lot of homework (Two major projects AND getting ready for the SATs!))

Fireheart stood atop the great rock. How could Tigerclaw be Shadowclan's new leader? Ah well, it was supposed to start raining soon. Suddenly Tigerclaw looked up at the sky and yowled, "A sign, a sign!" Everyone looked up, expecting to see that clouds had covered the moon, or that a storm was coming. Instead, they saw that the author was on coffee break!

"Hurray," cried all the cats together, and started to have a party, but it was not as much fun as usual. Something was missing, but Fireheart couldn't quite put his finger on it. Suddenly he saw Tallstar weeping over a large mound of earth and realized; Tallstar's stereo system.

He glanced at a Windclan cat that was passing. She shrugged and muttered under her breath, "We can't tear him away from that grave; about half our clan is back at camp, clinging on desperately to trees with dogs yapping right below them. We've told Tallstar, but he just starts singing, _you aren't nothing but a hound dog, _or _who let the dogs out?" _

Eventually most of the cats drifted off, back to their own territory, but Fireheart had an idea.

Back in camp a few hours later, Graystripe raised his head from his nest and pricked his ears. Padding softly out of camp, he was almost to fourtrees when he realized the entire clan was following him. The author was still on coffee break. He looked down into fourtrees and saw...

A GIANT STEREO SYSTEM SHAPED LIKE A GIANT CAT!

Shadowclan, Windclan, and Riverclan were already there, and so was Fireheart. Tallstar was also there, learning how to do musical arm farts from Tigerclaw.

Suddenly a pile of earth trembled and Tallstar's old stereo system rose out of the ground. "Hooray!" shouted Tallstar, running towards it, and then leading it back into the clearing.

"Fireheart," he said, "Thanks for trying to replace my stereo system, but I like this one." Suddenly, four little strange black things ran past them. "Those are our kits," Tallstar explained.

Then the party started again, and the stereo (Or Stereosystemfoot as Tallstar had named her) played music all night long with the little baby stereos.


	6. Chapter 6

**When no one is watching; the darkest hour**

(Sorry I haven't updated in, like, um, a long time… I've been sick, and I am still sick, and if I make any stupid mistakes, it's half because of that and half because I am laughing at a movie I found on this stupid little website… So anyways, on with the show! This takes place during the battle with bloodclan by the way.)

Firestar leaped out of the way of a HUGE BloodClan warrior and landed on his paws, hissing and spitting. Many BloodClan cats were dead, or had run off; bleeding from many wounds, but the hollow seemed as full of enemy cats as ever. And to make matters worse, the author was on coffee break, but they couldn't do anything about it.

Suddenly Scourge jumped on top of Firestar, and with a swift bite, killed him. Firestar felt conciseness slipping away, and knew he was losing a life. A moment later, his vision returned, and he saw many cats all sitting around him. He recognized the nine cats who had given him his nine lives. He was in StarClan, and he couldn't resist chuckling.

They were having a party, a wild party. They were taking Tigerstar and holding him on their backs, heading towards a big vat of black liquid labeled –Danger! Highly weird! - They threw Tigerstar in, and he emerged a few moments later wearing an apron and bonnet, and he ha! Two little pink shoes on his back paws! Firestar stifled a giggle and ran over to help.

A few hours later, he tore himself away, and returned to the battle. They were still losing. Suddenly stereosystemfoot came running into fourtrees and deafened all the BloodClan cats. They all ran away and the four forest clans were left to have their party in peace.


End file.
